This is something that every single person who walks this earth will deal with, countless of times - throughout their lives, until they die. I've seen forgiveness and reconciliation happen very quickly, over a period of several months to many years, to never happening at all. What keeps forgiveness and true reconciliation from happening is PRIDE - and this grieves the heart of God - when people who claim the name of Jesus cannot extend and receive forgiveness and reconcile in a biblical, God-honoring way.

Let's face it - we're all human, we all make mistakes and we all let our pride get in the way of what God would want to do in our lives. Why is pride so strong?? Why is it so hard to give up control and give it to Jesus where it should be? Because at the very core of who we are, we all have a built-in sense of entitlements - or our own 'Bill of Rights', called our sinful nature. Every single one of us is born with sin and it's our death sentence - in other words, we are born terminally ill. Pride makes its very first appearance before creation was spoken into existence by God, when Satan (previously known as one of the most beautiful angels God created named, Lucifer) made his infamous 5 proclamations, all starting with the phrase, "I will..." - check these out.

1. I will ascend to heaven. 2. I will raise my throne above the stars of God. 3. I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. 4. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds. 5. I will make myself like the Most High. Notice the pattern here? Nothing about worshiping or giving praise to God (which is what he and humans were created to do - worship God) - but it's all about him. The created being wants to rule the creator and all the rest of creation! God's holiness doesn't allow sin of any form in His presence, so He banished Lucifer and all the angels that chose to follow him (1/3 of all the angels of heaven) out of heaven forever. And this point about forever with angels is huge - once the angels made their choice, there was no chance of any redemption, forgiveness or reconciliation with God. When God created man, He created him in His own image, knowing that man would deny and defy God again and again and again...BUT, He still sent the human race a Redeemer (His one and only Son, Jesus) - who would be able to be the perfect, blameless sacrifice needed to appease the payment of sin (which is death), forgive men's sins, allowing them to be reconciled to God and justified - which means to be made AS PERFECT AS Jesus!!

We can experience what it means to be forgiven and for those of us who claim Jesus as our personal Lord and Saviour, we know and experience God's grace and mercy by His forgiveness of our sins. This is what enables us to be able to extend that same mercy and grace (forgiveness) to those who sin against us. If we look at the difference of how we've been wronged or how our standards were violated compared to God's Holy Standard that we violated and deserved death as punishment, then it becomes very easy to see how we truly need to forgive, because we've been forgiven for so much more. The Bible is very clear that if we don't forgive others, then how can God forgive us?

If those who claim the name of Jesus truly want to extend and receive forgiveness and have godly reconciliation, they need to humble themselves (one of the hardest things to do - but God commands us to), realize that God has forgiven each one of us from a penalty that we could never even begin to repay (part of humility) and forgive and release those who have wronged you and never hold it against them again. Each of us are called to forgive - everyone, everytime - but reconciliation is the second part of the process.

Reconciliation involves the process of rebuilding the relationship and trust. It is God's design that everyone who claims the name of Jesus reconcile and live in a spirit of unity and continue to be a testimony of how God's people can life a victorious life over Satan and sin. However, some people will put stipulations or a prerequisite as to how they perceive reconciliation should and will take place. It may be certain place, environment or specific people they demand be in place before 'biblical' reconciliation can take place for them. If all parties involved truly want a godly resolution, preset qualifications are not necessary. You see, Jesus has forgiven us of the ultimate wrong ever done to anyone - violating God's Holy Standard - and if we can be forgiven of that by Jesus' death on the cross (in OUR PLACE) and His triumphant resurrection from death and be reconciled to Him, then we can truly be reconciled one to another. Why is it so hard though, you might ask. It's because of sinful pride and exists, lives and still thrives in each one of us. That's why the apostle Paul talks about how each one of us must 'die to ourselves' - because we all have this overriding sense of entitlement, which at its root is again, pride. You may be asking, 'So Dav,...are you saying you've got this all under control? You don't struggle with this??' I'm not saying that at all - in fact, I struggle with this every day - it's a constant asking God to forgive me for my thoughts and actions that haven't been honoring or glorifying to Him - so, let it be known I'm in the same boat.

Sadly, there are some people you will never be able to reconcile with in this life - that is a guarantee. Some people willfully choose to hold on to bitterness and hold the offense of someone else against them and that will be their burden to carry for as long as they own it. All you can do is continue to pray for them, for your own heart's attitude and continue to forgive them, always praying for godly reconciliation.

There are several books that nail this whole subject on the head, two of which were written by the pastor of Moody Memorial Church in Chicago, IL - Dr. Erwin Lutzer called "When You've Been Wronged; Overcoming Barriers to Reconciliation and Moving From Bitterness to Forgiveness" and "After You've Blown It - Reconnecting With God & Others". Other great book resources are: "When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense" - by Robert Jeffress and "The Bondage Breaker" by Dr. Neil Anderson. FYI, "The Bondage Breaker" goes far beyond broken relationships between people and gets to the root of addictions, habits, etc.

Chances are you have some relationships that have yet to experience godly reconciliation - and here's what you need to do - starting right now. You need to pray for God's perfect will, pray for them and for an awakening that only God can do inside of them to desire godly reconciliation, pray for your own heart and agenda to be aligned with God's and continue to walk humbly with your God. What NOT TO DO: do not speak badly about them, do not say or do slanderous things in the presence of others (even if there may be some truth to them) as that only paints you in a bad light and keeps bitterness alive and well in you and do not answer (in any way) any of their attacks against you. You might be saying, 'Are you kidding me?!' That will be one of the hardest things you'll have to choose not to do - trust God will take care of you, your reputation and your life. Again, He doesn't need or ask for anyone's permission to do the work He's created and called you to do for Him. One of the many awesome things about God is that He knows all, sees all and will take care of all things - even those who persecute you for His sake. Be encouraged, take heart and draw near to your Heavenly Father who will shield and protect you according to His good and perfect will. God bless you guys and if you'd like to talk more about this, please feel free to email or call the church office - we'd love to speak with you more.

In His Service,

Dav